Lost in Prague, pt1

written in September 2012

The airport is a crossing of many travels. Every time again, I leave with mixed feelings about my travel. 

On one side, I am excited, curious and have that itchy freedom feeling, but on the other side… opening a new door means also to leave something behind. 

During the trip from my home in Antwerp to the airport I gazed to my father driving the car, the man who influences my whole past, presence and future, a determinant, a denominator in the fraction of my life. It was one of these moments that I got aware how import he is, and that he absolute loves me, because he always supports me, and even let me go… every time… to a new destination, or a new direction. He really believes that I can change the world, even if it is only my own world. My mother is the counter. She does not really understand why I am going to Prague, but she loves me, and accepts that I am a wanderer, a lost girl in this always changing world. It is weird that you can miss people, when they are still in the same car as you. 

Last Christmas, my friend Lizzie from USA, who shares my adventures of Nepal and Thailand, and who I probably going to mention a lot, gave this nostalgic phenomena a name: Saudade. She sent me this word as an early Christmas present. Saudade. I am not going to copy the meaning of this word from wikipedia. Look it up. Read the poems written about this word about emptiness, missing, longing, and desire, before you continue reading this book, because Saudade is one of the prime numbers that I try to divide in my fraction. 

When I am alone in the airport of Eindhoven, I buy a nice jade green notebook. After passing the customers, I am going to sit, open this book and start writing. I always intend to start to write every white surface I find. Writing is the breath in my blood, pushing me to live. During the writing, I smile, already forgetting the people and memories I leave behind, and thinking about the two dreams I am going to fulfill finally; living in Prague and studying film. 

in prague, (c) Nicolas Hen

Recently, I told someone that if I want something, I will grab it. People know -although they are always surprised how I find the money, the means and the courage- that I get what I want. Some weeks ago I walked for example 100kms in Belgium in less than 22 hours to fulfill a promise I did to my grandfather when I was 8 years old. Later I will talk back about my grandfather. He is another prime number in the fraction. 

By the way, I am 23 years old, almost 24 years old. I did quite a lot in my life, and visited a lot of places in whole of the world, and people are always surprised how I can creating more plans and dreams, but I think that the game of life is keeping striving for more and other things. One of my favorite philosophers is Socrates, and his wisdom that we know only thing, and that is that we know anything, keeps me and other inspired people looking for more, in the hope that one day we find the absolute truth. 

You will notice that I am never satisfied, one of the characteristics that every artist -painters, poets, writers, filmmakers, potters…- need to have, because otherwise I don’t call them a artist, but just a craftsman. Artists are like gold diggers; we dig and dig in the subconscious world of ourselves, and others, find sometimes a nice treasure, but we keep digging for el dorado. We have to be lost. 

When I traveled for 8 months on my own around the world, I already embraced the life of a wanderer, making art, drinking wine, philosophing about life, exploring, inspiring and getting inspired, experimenting… all in the purpose of trying to find a way to leave the world a better place when I die. 

In Prague, I will be, want to become even more the artist, the woman, the bohemian I want to be, and getting more lost.

It is time to embark on this journey. The gate is open...