donderdag 5 september 2013

Icarus and Daedalus - or regrets of dying people

Some days ago a trainer of the Leadership Summer School forwarded this article. She told me it didn't contain the biggest wisdom, and it not written by a potential Nobel prize winner... but it is some article to remind us to things we don't do too often, and later will regret. 

In this article you can read the top 5 regrets of dying people. I'll write them over:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I realized that I have regret because I try to express my feelings, stay in touch, try to live a life true to myself, go for dreams and ambitions... 

People think often I am the most blessed and happy girl I ever meet. After a great self-reflecting period in New Zealand, where I had great WWOOF-experiences, hitchhiked and hiked on my own... people thought I was a hippie, who is not in touch anymore with the reality, and that how higher you fly, how deeper you can fall. 

Some people, even friends from Belgium, saw me as a small female modern version of Icarus, trying to reach the sun, and thereby melting his wings, so he felt dead... I was a bit surprised that people saw my world travel as a trip in Wonderland, where life just freezes, and you don't think about reality. Traveling for me is also hard. I am not always happy. 
I feel bad because other people think I am going the wrong way. I work hard to please everybody. I don't express my feelings, because if you express you're in love, or happy, people ignore you or put you back on earth, saying "you're an Icarus"... I think I only am good in staying in touch with friends, but honestly I wished I had more contact with the half of the people, and had not so much contact with some other people... Also it does not help if some people do not reply back, "because it is in his or her nature, culture"... Staying in touch can not come from one side. Then you better can talk to a wall. Or write a blog... 

I regret many things. It is funny that even you're aware of your regrets, it is daily fight. Even if you do things you would regret otherwise, sometimes you don't do them, and you regret. Every day there is something that I regret. It is a small monster feeding with fears, expectations and tears. And sometimes it explodes inside you, so you implode. That is maybe even worse than exploding. People think you're crazy when you're angry, or cry on the middle of the street, but it is more healthier and normal than if I would put a smile, and just absorb everything. I am a human, not a robot. Of course I have feelings. I shouldn't be afraid to express themselves.

The Dalai Lama said that to have great love and great achievements in life, you need to take great risks.

In our society it looks like expressing your true feelings, to live a true life to yourself, to find other values important than money (and working too hard)... is taking a big risk; people will think you're weird, or crazy, or insane... or an Icarus...

... but these people trying to live their true life, express their feelings, stay in touch with friends, work, but not too hard, and let themselves be happier, are not Icarus. They are the Daedalus in that same Greek legend, flying in the middle, between earth and sun, trying to be grounded, but also reaching for freedom and destinations in life. 

I hope one days people will accept the Daedelus-types more than the King Minos with the Golden Hand-people of the society. I wouldn't feel regret for things that are good for people... 

I think I would be then less frustrated... because now I feel like Daedalus, before he invented the wings, and took a flight, but in his period when he had to work, almost like a prisoner, for King Minos of Crete, and build a labyrinth for monsters like the Minotaur... causes I don't support... but I feel trapped in my own work...

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