Since a couple of weeks I am preparing the production of a music video for the amazing group "Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes". I love this band already for years. Some songs remind me to memories, or persons. Every time I hear 40 Daydream I see myself in one of the most happy and inspiring weeks of my life, waking up early in the day, surrounded by the sound of the jungle of Koh Phangan, a Thai island, singing, doing yoga, writing, touching leaves when I run to supermarkets... I lived like in a Daydream there. So many amazing things happened there to me. Desert Song accompanied me a lot when I was hiking in Argentina. Kisses from Babylon, the first song I heard, was brought to me by a music video. Someone shared it on his facebook, and it appeared on my news feed (viva social media... I guess). I saw the music video... and I was in love with Edward Sharpe and his band, bringing so much music and color in my life. And now... this band gives every film maker the chance to make a music video. The winner gets some money, and becomes the official music video.
So... since two weeks, my friends from Visual Okapi and I are brainstorming. I will not tell too much... just that I love the whole preproduction, even I am so busy doing 4 other jobs.
You get so creativity, and also get inspired so much others who join you in this process. Today I met someone from Visual Okapi I only know his name. He is going to be one of the cinematographers. He sent me as preparation a video, called "Holi" and it is amazing. The colors are so inspiring. Such movies, such moments... give reasons, colors... why you want to invest all your time and energy in dreams and passions, although you've 4 other jobs.
I was a bit sad last week, because I heard I failed an exam, which keeps me away from calling me a graduate. I don't know why I fail for this one, while in the last 6-7 years I passed exams which were 100 times more difficult. I try already for 3 years (6 exam attempts) to get over this last subject, but I don't succeed. It absorbs all the colors from your environment.
I know I am not motivated for the subject: it is Macro-econimics, telling how you can put whole economy of government, consumers... in formula. Maybe I don't like this whole capitalism... because I feel, or I want this, I grow more into ecology and sustainability.
But I am also a human, who has to survive, and find a decent job so I can pay bills. I cannot live forever in Neverland. In the end of this fairytale Wendy flies back home to become adult. It is good to have passions and colors in life, but you also need a white canvas, structure and responsibility in your life, I feel. In Belgium, being a academic undergraduate is not enough...
... so I don't know what to do after my internship, which will end in October. I think I am afraid.
But maybe fear is a good thing. Or maybe not. Who says...
When this person of Visual Okapi and I went to the forest behind my house to do some location scouting for the video, I witnessed how a big tree fall down. The gardener was cutting down two trees, because he was going to plant a whole row of garden trees for a fence, and these two old trees would drink all their necessary water to grow. It was impressive. One hour later I explained the camera guy that one part of the forest was more wild, because we didn't come there, because of the tragedy that happened there. "Now I witnessed how powerful the fall of a tree is..." I murmured, "I understand why people can get killed if they get this on their head."Still it is a mystery. I saw the tree falling, and it went so slow... that I wondered every person could step out of the wrong direction...
... or even if time goes slow... can you not step out the wrong way?
Maybe I shouldn't bother about a diploma I don't care about. Maybe I lose my life by thinking too much about regrets and fears... than enjoying the colors around me.
Later they burnt the trees. The smog went to the forest. It was spooky... and beautiful.